jedishampoo | Fic: Until Something (Hakkai x Gojyo, R)

Title: Until Something
Author:

jedishampoo
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Hakkai/Gojyo
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, they belong to Minekura Kazuya. I made no profit writing this work of fan fiction.
Warning: Some spoilers for Saiyuki Reload 7 (manga). Yaoi.
Summary: After their bout with the Seiten Taisei, Hakkai and Gojyo move into a new kind of relationship.
Author's notes: OMG I wrote 585! This was for

babydragoneye in the

valentine_smut fic exchange. It was my first time writing this pairing, but it was interesting exploring the different relationship these two have (i.e., different from 53). The prompt was "hush."

Until Something

It seemed that whenever Hakkai awoke from nothing, he always saw the same face.

"Hey. You were talking in your sleep," came a whisper.

He must have been sleeping, then. And he must have needed more rest than he'd thought, because he didn't remember dreaming. He'd been nothing. Until the something. The whisper.

Hakkai creaked his eyelids open. It was night; only a little moonlight seeped in through the cracks of the cabin. And he saw the face, hovering over him as always, a greyish form in the dark, tendrils of hair a black curtain that Hakkai knew in the light would be red. And black eyes which should also be red, staring down into his with concern.

That face was achingly familiar. It had taken so many different forms over the years: savior, warning, uncomfortable companion, comfortable companion, and what it had become since yesterday, since forever: he didn't know what to call it, except impossibly dear, and impossibly attractive. He looked forward to exploring it in all is permutations.

"Hello," Hakkai rasped, surprised at the sleepy catch in his own voice, and stretched his sore limbs. He rolled his eyes a bit, saw the room defined by dim shapes, all grey, a lighter square of window, an unmoving form on the bed opposite. He took a quick breath to speak aloud. "Is Goku awake yet?"

"Shh! Sleeping. Still sleeping. He's fine, I'm sure. Don't wake him, for fuck's sake."

"But he should be awake by now, surely--" Hakkai began.

And was hushed by the press of lips on his. Hakkai let it sink in, what was happening; it was all so new. Let his own mouth sink into the kiss. Gojyo whispered against his mouth, a sensuous brushing of lips that spoke to Hakkai's entire body, making it feel alive as it hadn't in a long time. Since yesterday. Banishing the nothing.

"How you feelin'?"

"Better. Good. Fine," Hakkai murmured, liking the way his own whispers mingled with the breath from Gojyo's generous mouth. "Is it later yet?"

"Hn. Yeah, I'd say it's later."

And Hakkai decided he also liked waking this way, whether from nothing or from undreaming sleep.

***

The first time he'd woken that way, he'd not known that face hovering above his. It had belonged to a stranger. He'd not feared it, nonetheless. He'd thought it kind, soothing actually, after the nothing, and the blood.

"Who are you calling anticlimactic?" it had said, surrounded by bright light and a soft halo of red.

Hakkai remembered that, and bits and pieces of what had followed, memories dulled by time and familiarity. He remembered that Gojyo had hardly stopped talking. He'd demanded to smoke in his own home, and he'd told Gonou about the extent of his injuries, had ordered Gonou to sleep.

"This is the first and last time I bring a dude to my bed," Gojyo had also said.

Neither Gonou, nor Hakkai, would ever have suspected, then.

***

The next time he'd woken from nothing, the face above him had been familiar, and annoyed.

There had been sunlight trickling through a canopy of leaves, and there was a smell of earth and fire. The hair hanging down and about Hakkai's face had been deep crimson in the shade, and almost pink where the sunlight found it. Crisp and clear it was in his one good eye, and Hakkai had realized, then, that it was not at all like blood. It was beautiful.

"You never do anything half-assed, do you?" Gojyo said.

"How is Sanzo?" Hakkai wanted to know. He'd wanted to keep staring at the beauty of that hair, and the face, too, he realized-- but there were others to worry about.

"Hnh. His holiness is fine. You gotta think about yourself, sometimes. If you're alive, then stop talking and rest."

"But you'd asked a question..."

"Yeah, and you answered it. So just be quiet."

***

The next time Hakkai had come from nothing to something-- or perhaps it was several times later, he couldn't remember-- the face had been wet, and creased with anguish. Gojyo's hair was tangled, red as old blood in the dark. Still, it had been a beautiful sight. Hakkai wondered when blood and beauty and emotion had become the same thing.

There was cold stone under his head, and voices he didn't know surrounding them. He tried to remember. There had been fear, and lightning. Death, maybe? And rain, or was that something else dripping in soft, wet plops onto his cheeks?

"Hakkai," Gojyo said.

Worry about Goku entered Hakkai's brain-- always, it was someone else. And there was worry about Gojyo, too, always.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Just shut up, you," Gojyo said, and smiled a terrible and painful smile that wounded Hakkai more than his physical injuries ever could have. "Just stop talking."

***

The last time Hakkai had been in the nothing was only a day later, or a day ago, he thought. As always he hadn't realized there was nothing until something, a touch, a sound, had awoken him and set the nothing into sharp relief.

The touch had been soft fingers in his hair. The sound, a frantic whisper.

"Hakkai? Hakkai? Hey, you breathing, man? Don't you dare be dead."

Hakkai realized he hurt all over, and then he remembered what had happened. The Seiten Taisei. Sanzo leaving. He opened his eyes to see Gojyo hovering over him in his usual way. It comforted him. There was sunlight, and dust motes danced about Gojyo's hair and sparkled as they swam in and out of the beams. Obviously, yet again, he was not dead. And Hakkai was glad.

"Not dead," he voiced the thought, trying to rise further from nothing. Gojyo needed him. And there was something else, Hakkai knew, that he should be worried about--

"Goku? How is Goku?"

"He's okay, I guess. Still sleeping off the god-shit. All night, and half the day. You weren't breathing. Least, I didn't think you were." Gojyo's voice was still a whisper, but sounded relieved.

Hakkai was disoriented for a moment; hadn't he already experienced this? Déjà vu, or something else? Yesterday, had it been? The day before? Years before?

"This waking me with your worrying is becoming a habit."

"Heh. Can you blame me? I didn't want ta have to call in the creepy-ass bishop," Gojyo said, and then he grimaced, as if remembering the events of the day before, also.

"It's nice to have you wake me, actually. To have someone worry about me," Hakkai said, smiling up into that face, trying to banish the pain it showed.

"Is it?" Gojyo looked surprised, but pleased. His expressions hid so little. Hakkai had wondered then how Gojyo had ever made a living playing cards.

"Yes. It's nice to be alive."

"Shit, it scared me when I thought you weren't," Gojyo said, and looked away for a moment, and shook his head. Then he looked back at Hakkai. "I-- I lied, you know. I never gave up, man. It hurts, but I'll keep on doing it."

Hakkai had never thought that Gojyo would be the one to speak something like that aloud, first.

"I know," Hakkai said. He tried to raise his hand from the covers, to touch that face, the mouth, the hair, the soul. Some of the pain from his injuries must have shown in his face, for Gojyo's fingers pressed lightly around his wrist, holding it still.

"You're still healing. Don't, man."

"All right," Hakkai said.

Gojyo didn't speak further, for a long while; only stared down at Hakkai as if drinking in his face, his breath, his life. Hakkai knew he was doing the same thing to Gojyo. Neither of them blinked. The sensation of staring, openly, was new, awkward. Always before they'd skittered away from what they both knew was there-- the need to divulge and experience and revel in their feelings and to look. To be sure. Always, before, when emotion became intense, Gojyo would make some offhand remark or joke, and Hakkai would smile and turn away.

This time, neither of those things happened. And Hakkai felt that what had always hovered on the edge of consciousness came into the light. There was no need to wait and be sure now: Hakkai knew this at last. And Hakkai found he liked it.

Gojyo finally spoke. And it was the truth, not a joke. "Man. Heh. This is weird, y'know?"

"I know," Hakkai said. He couldn't find the words to say anything else. So he dropped his hand, and scooted over a bit on the narrow bed, ignoring the painful outcry that moving produced in his body, and patted the sheets beside him.

"Hm," Gojyo said, and sat down, bending the thin mattress with his weight and warmth. He faced away from Hakkai, and stared around the room for a bit. Then without a word, he leaned back, stretching himself out next to Hakkai, not quite touching, and stared at him some more. With eyes red as sunset, and full of wonder.

"Thank you," Hakkai whispered.

Gojyo grinned, and Hakkai's heart squeezed, trying to collapse in upon itself at having that astonishing smile so close, and directed at him.

"What about your matriarchy?" Gojyo said, breaths heating Hakkai's lips, his cheeks.

"I'd rather have this," Hakkai said, feeling both shy and daring at voicing the thought aloud. He furthered his daring, lifting a hand to lay it upon Gojyo's chest. Felt the nervous thumping under his fingers. Was the soul captured in the heart? He wanted it. For everything was tied up in this revealed emotion of his: physical, spiritual, and more.

If Gojyo had been daring first, now Hakkai would be the one to continue. He wanted more more more. The pain of moving didn't matter; now he had the body under his hand, there was no stopping. He slid his hand up over Gojyo's shirt, over his taut shoulder, up his neck to feel skin at last, the blood-beauty-red hair, as soft and wonderful as he'd known it would be.

"Hakkai-- Be care--"

"Hush," Hakkai said, and kissed Gojyo for the first time. He let his lips linger for a full minute, barely moving and barely open, tasting smoke, and surprise, and hope.

More more more...

Gojyo seemed to get used to the idea pretty quickly. His long fingers gripped Hakkai's shoulder, thumb brushing his collarbone at the opening of his shirt. Skilled fingers. Hakkai let his tongue touch Gojyo's lips, felt Gojyo's tongue join it, sliding against it, felt a frizzle of shock and recognition spread through his every nerve. Gojyo's skilled tongue.

Hakkai had hoped that Gojyo wanted the physical as much as the emotional: he wondered if Gojyo had wanted this for as long as he had, with him. Still, there was so much to learn about each other. So much they had never discussed.

More more more...

Gojyo was his anchor and Hakkai pulled himself closer, pressing against Gojyo from mouth to toes, seeking all the touch his aching body could handle. He slid his other hand under Gojyo's shirt, felt his ribs, felt his muscles twitching at his caress. He'd felt this body before, when he'd healed it from one thing or another. This was different: this was exploration. This was intent.

Hakkai heard Gojyo's murmured breaths, felt them short and sharp in his throat, his chest. And Hakkai still wanted more.

He pushed himself up, trying to climb on top of Gojyo. Stupid-- his limbs didn't work correctly yet, and he cried out a little Ah! of pain.

And Gojyo stopped. He just sort of pushed Hakkai away, gently, and rolled out of the bed, hitting the floor with a thump.

"Shit," Gojyo whispered, and shot a worried glance over at the still-sleeping Goku. Then he peeked back up at Hakkai, eyes wide with some emotion Hakkai couldn't identify.

"If you'd wanted to stop--" Hakkai began, beginning to doubt again.

"Shh!" Gojyo said, putting a finger to his lips. He shook his head. "Hell, no, I didn't want to. But you-- stupid. Me, I mean. You were almost torn to pieces. Rest, would you?"

Gojyo was blushing. Hakkai smiled, and doubted no more.

"Later?" he said.

"Later," Gojyo agreed.

***

"It's later," Gojyo said again. Hakkai returned to the present, to the dark cabin, to Gojyo's mouth upside-down on his. He hadn't missed anything; one's mind could remember so many things in a few short moments.

Had a whole day and a half really passed since they'd first done this? Hakkai remembered enough that trickles of heat had already spread through his limbs, limbs that felt immeasurably better already, limbs that healed so much more quickly than a human's would have. He was thankful, for a moment, for his youkai blood. Later.

"So it is," Hakkai murmured against Gojyo's mouth. Hakkai was alive, and so was Gojyo, more alive than anyone Hakkai had ever known.

For a while there was no more need for words. Gojyo's lips said plenty to Hakkai's eyelids and his cheeks; Gojyo's fingers spoke volumes to his ears and hair.

Gojyo was nothing if not a limber and athletic fellow. He pulled his mouth away from Hakkai's, and Hakkai would have protested but he felt a finger upon his lips. Then pressure next to him; Gojyo had shoved his head into the pillow, and he sort of somersaulted into the bed, next to Hakkai. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Hakkai was glad. For then that skin, every limber and muscular inch of that torso, was Hakkai's to touch.

Gojyo was also nothing if not enthusiastic. When Hakkai kissed him this time, Gojyo's arms wrapped about him, not squeezing hard enough to hurt, but enough to show he was serious.

And Hakkai was serious, too. He seriously wanted to climb into Gojyo's skin. Barring that, he contented himself with drinking his breath, his soul, all smoky and Gojyo, and with stroking the smooth warm flesh he'd only begun to touch yesterday.

One of Hakkai's legs was impaired but he didn't need them both at the moment. He curled the good one about Gojyo's knees, drawing him ever closer. All of Gojyo's body was dear to him, all of it was warm and amazingly stimulating to Hakkai's starving touch. As the Seiten Taisei pulled energy from the Earth, so Hakkai would from the well of energy and life that was Gojyo.

He touched he soft skin at Gojyo's waist, the jut of his hip, rising above his low-slung jeans. Gojyo's fingers waved in slow, gentle circles on Hakkai's back.

It had been so long since Hakkai had touched anyone with physical love. Since Kanan. This was comfortable like that, and exciting like that at the same time, and yet so, so different. Hakkai had never been with a man. He'd never thought he would not care about that so very much. As for what or whom Gojyo had done, Hakkai could only speculate. Still so much to learn, to discuss. Hakkai involuntarily wondered how he compared to these speculative ghost-lovers, and felt possessive for a moment. He pressed closer, and moaned his jealousy.

Gojyo came up for air. "Hey, take it easy, there," he said smiling a bit nervously, but not letting go of Hakkai.

"Excuse me," Hakkai said, feeling oddly polite.

Gojyo laughed at that. "No-- hey, don't look at me like that. I just don't wanna wake the monkey."

Hakkai took a deep breath and tried to contribute to the conversation. Difficult, when pressed this close to Gojyo's warm, living body. "He does need the rest. And he'll have questions when he does wake. Unless San--"

"Shit, don't even say his name right now. Please." Gojyo whispered, and grimaced again. Gojyo's face was a little blurry at this close distance and in the dimness, but still, Hakkai was coming to recognize it as Gojyo's Sanzo-angry-hurt look.

"All right," Hakkai whispered back, still feeling strangely polite considering the position he was in. He wished he hadn't broken the mood, wished he hadn't tried to say Sanzo's name. A distraction was needed. He stretched out his arms.

"How do you feel about helping me with this?" He shook his sleeves.

"Yeah," Gojyo said, smiling again. He grabbed the hem of Hakkai's shirt and pulled, and it slid off and fell to the floor behind him. Gojyo looked at Hakkai's body; he must have seen some of the scars. He traced the worst, oldest one, the one at Hakkai's belly. Hakkai thought of Kanan, again. But these were not her fingers, on that strong, skilled hand, drawing such erotic pictures on his flesh. The hand moved up to Hakkai's shoulder, to one of the newer scars, dark against Hakkai's pale skin in the scant light of the cabin's window. "Shit. Look at you. What are we thinking?"

"Please stop doing that," Hakkai whispered back, and leaned forward to plant a kiss on the warm skin of Gojyo's breastbone. "Thinking, that is."

"Bossy," Gojyo said, but sort of half-rolled over and let Hakkai keep doing it. Hakkai regained the closeness, pressing against Gojyo's side. Pressing his abdomen into Gojyo's hip, to touch everywhere but there most of all. To see how it felt.

Goyjo surely felt how aroused Hakkai was, but he didn't shy away. Just breathed, deep, slow, steady breaths. Until Hakkai slid his hand down across Gojyo's belly, dipping a finger in his navel, feeling the soft hairs surrounding it tickle the sensitive skin of his palm. Gojyo's breathing hitched, but Hakkai was focused now, relentless. Bossy, in the words of his best friend. He dug a few fingertips into the waistband of Gojyo's jeans, not quite touching what he could see even in the dimness of the room, and what gratified him: Gojyo's own telltale, tight lump pressing at his zipper. This proof that Gojyo felt the physical shouldn't have been necessary to Hakkai at this point, but he was glad anyway. He fumbled at the zipper.

Gojyo understood. "Uh. Okay," he said, in a rather stupid and breathy voice, and that gratified Hakkai, too. Hakkai hardly had to move as Gojyo unfastened and slithered out of his jeans, and then was naked. And clearly aroused. But not embarrassed. Gojyo was gloriously unafraid of being naked, one of the things Hakkai admired about him. So alive. What must he seem in return?

Hakkai was not so graceful getting out of his own pants, though he'd been dressed in something loose. A few quiet grunts later, though, he was also naked, and all anticipation.

The relaxed sinuousness of Gojyo's body was belied by its tautness, its coiled tension, always there but as Hakkai stretched into him, never before felt so completely, thrumming through his own body. Hakkai admired it, touched the taut flesh of Gojyo's penis, first clasping it with hesitant fingers, then when Gojyo gasped, with a stronger, surer grip. He'd seen Gojyo's penis before, in baths and whatnot, but he'd never seen it like this, or touched it. He wished the light in the room wasn't so grey, wished he could see everything. He could only feel it, warm, dry and hard. Knowing it was that way for him made his own erection ache and throb all the more. More more more.

"How about this?" Hakkai asked, teasing, liking the rounded oh of Gojyo's mouth that his touch produced, the undulation of his belly.

"Shit, Hakkai," Gojyo whispered.

This sort of touch, Hakkai knew well how to do. Back and forth, sure and capable. Just like he'd been doing to himself, over and over, for a year or so, not daring to breathe aloud the name in his heart, his own blood. Thrilled to have it not only be shameful no more, but to own it, have it given to him all at once. He thought his body might snap in half at the impatient desire and tension he felt. And this time when he climbed atop Gojyo, to feel all of him, he made sure not to let any of his hurt show.

His next kiss was rougher, demanding. He moved, sliding along Gojyo's body. And Gojyo's body arched up to meet his, as if of its own volition, as if also seeking everything at once, at last, most of all the exquisite, intermittent shock as their erections caught and slid at each journey there and back.

Touching wasn't enough; Hakkai wanted more, he wanted friction, he needed that steady rhythm, to be inside. Hakkai wanted desperately to figure out how to climb into that skin, if it killed him, because he could think of nothing else-- he lost his sense of self, must have tried too hard to get closer closer--

For yet again, Gojyo stopped him, gripping fingers holding his shoulders steady.

"I don't think you got enough strength for that," Gojyo whispered. His breathing was heavy.

Hakkai sighed. "I don't think so, either." He tried hard to remember, again, how nice it was to have Gojyo worry about him. Still, he ran his hands up the outsides of Gojyo's thighs, and curled his back and shoved against him, sometimes slowly and sometimes not, back and forth, unable to break the motion that so drove him.

"There's plenty of time," Gojyo gasped.

"Yes," Hakkai said. And wondered how Gojyo had known what he wanted. And possessive jealousy tore through him again. Lust made him an irrational being; it sought only ownership and release.

And lust was still in charge, as Hakkai wanted to be. Limitations be damned. But he was just enough brain left to reason how to achieve that release, that something only he and Gojyo would share. He gripped Gojyo's penis again, and his own, felt the blood that filled them both, and moved faster, loving Gojyo's arched chest and his rolled-back head, exposing his smooth neck. How lucky was he, to have such a sensual being at last? Hakkai kissed that neck. teeth bared ever so little, no longer caring to be kind or caring if he left a mark. Gojyo simply bent his knees to allow Hakkai between them, an implicit trust, and held onto Hakkai's shoulders.

Hakkai only knew that dimly. By that time he'd lost himself in sensation again, seeking only the continuation of the friction and the building throb that was both a tight numbness and an ache, building impossibly--

Gojyo's throat issued a cut-off moan and his body shuddered beneath him, and Hakkai felt quick heat and wetness on his hand, but it only smoothed the journey until he could go no further--

And for the first time in ever or perhaps forever, felt his body let go, under the touch of someone he loved, and that someone whispered, yeah, yeah, at him, and held him as he climaxed.

Hakkai didn't collapse, just hovered there, breathing, eyes screwed shut, not knowing what to expect. But Gojyo just pulled at his shoulders until he finally relaxed, burrowing into the body beneath him. He listened to the irregular thump of Gojyo's heart as they breathed, or perhaps it was his own, or both of them.

Gojyo stared at the ceiling, fingers tracing Hakkai's shoulders, slowly, avoiding any recent wounds. Hakkai smiled into his chin and decided he was indeed happy to have someone care for him.

"If you are worried about me, Gojyo, I'm fine," he whispered.

Gojyo's chest rumbled with a short laugh. "Nah. I was just thinking, Wow, Hakkai," he whispered. "Whoda known you were so kinky?"

Hakkai raised his head and saw a fond smile on Gojyo's face, belying the gentle teasing.

"Well, I was sleeping with my sister."

"Oh yeah. And everyone calls me the pervert."

Hakkai laughed. Everyone. Sanzo, Goku. He'd forgotten the existence of everyone else for a few minutes. Which was exactly as it should be. Like the comfort of seeing that face. Except this time, he was the one looking down.

"Plenty of time," Gojyo said again, rolling a hand through Hakkai's now-damp hair.

There was, and would be. And Hakkai thought about that, and how they'd embarked already upon so many new journeys in the last few days. Without Sanzo, however long that might last. For an instant or two Hakkai hated Sanzo and loved Sanzo at the same time, for leaving them the way he had.

"Yes," Hakkai said. Reason was reasserting itself along with his breath. He became aware of the stickiness between them. Kanan had hated that. And she was his experience. "Should we clean up? Is there a river? Where were you getting the water?"

Gojyo coughed out a whispered laugh. "Shit, but you're sensible for such an emotional pervert. Lemme smoke."

He rolled Hakkai-- gently-- off of him with a quick smile, and dug around in the darkness of the floor for his smokes, buried somewhere in his jeans. He hung half off the bed and lit a smoke.

"You really shouldn't smoke in bed," Hakkai whispered, in a voice that sounded prim even to his own ears. He wasn't surprised at all when he heard Gojyo mutter hmph, bossy.

Hakkai let it go. He'd had not placed any stipulations on this new area of their relationship, after all. And if he changed Gojyo, would he still be Gojyo?

But Gojyo must have felt like being accommodating; he rolled out of bed and cracked the door of the cabin. He sat and smoked on the floor. Hakkai felt and smelled the cool mountain air as it floated through the door. He looked at the sliver of light that shone into the room, the thin swath of illumination that cut diagonally across Gojyo's face and body, making him look like some sort of abstract work of art.

Gojyo looked back at him. "You oughta sleep some more," he whispered.

"I will when you come to bed. I'll even let you sleep here tonight," Hakkai joked. He rolled onto his back. "You can take us to the stream tomorrow."

"Sounds good," Gojyo said.

Hakkai smiled into the darkness. Nothing had changed in their banal chit-chat, something they'd learned after four years living and traveling together. They sounded married. Was he the matriarch or the patriarch, then? He belied his earlier statement of waiting for Gojyo to come to bed, and closed his eyes. He was tired. He went to sleep, wondering if Goku would wake soon, wondering if Sanzo would come back, wondering where they'd go if he didn't. But knowing exactly how he'd wake up.

End

Thank you for reading! All concrit, flames, comments accepted and loved. (Thanks to my beta, sharpeslass,

rroselavy for organizing

valentine_smut, and to all who left comments on that comm.)

Current Mood: energetic

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

lechymonk.livejournal.com

Wow!! Oh wow!!! What a great fic! I love how you've written Gojyo and Hakkai's relationship. And those little 'more more more', just dropped in certain places in the story...I could just "feel" how much Hakkai wanted Gojyo.

I'm just a little puddle of fangirl goo right now! Gods, that was good!!

From:

and Jedi Interdictor

Fic: Until Something (Hakkai x Gojyo, R)

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